Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Our Tooth Fairy Sucks.

I don't know if there is, in fact, one Tooth Fairy, or a squadron of them assigned to different regions. It must be the latter, because while a lot of children seem to have their recently liberated chompers expeditiously collected, Sophie has recently found that our Tooth Fairy is rather inept at remembering to visit our house.

After the third (wince) failure of the grand TF, we decided we'd have to take measures to make sure poor Sophie was compensated for her lost teeth. We decided to get legal on the Tooth Fairy's Ass.

Here is Sophie's "Petition for Compensation of Tooth Forfeiture." I hope you have good eyesight.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

My Fine Dining Foray With the Kids.

Nathaniel is in Wisconsin for a golf tournament this weekend, so I planned to hang with the kids and promised them we'd go out for a special dinner tonight. I told them they could choose the restaurant. I said, "We can go to Southgate [pizzeria], or Mexico Lindo, or the Chinese place- wherever you want to go."

We ended up at Taco John's.

It started out poorly. Sophie wanted fries with her taco. They only sold "potato oles". Jack ran away while I was ordering and sat down in a booth with a strange couple and their child.

Once we got our food, things seemed alright until Jack realized there were cheese shreds in his burrito that were insufficiently melted. He tried to reach over the back of our booth and hand a fistful of sucked-on cheese to the man in the booth behind us.

Then Jack decided that his booster seat was was more comfortable to sit on upside-down, but he kept sliding off and falling under the table. After a while I just gave up and let him eat his food under the table.

After what seemed to be about three-hundred and-eighty-minutes, everyone finished eating and I tried to usher us toward the door, but Jack passionately wanted to use the door on the opposite side of the restaurant. I had to fling him over my shoulder and carry him out of the building.

I put Jack down next to the car and opened the driver's-side door to throw his wrapped-up burrito remnants on the passenger seat. In the three seconds it took me to do so, I realized, Jack had climbed up a curb, hopped the bumper, jumped onto the hood of the car, and was climbing up the windshield, trying to get onto the roof of the car.

On the way home, Sophie said, "Maybe we can go to Dairy Queen tomorrow!"

Yeah. Maybe if DQ offers a kid-sized "horse tranquilizer" blizzard.

Snow? I don't see any snow. It's SPRING!

Spring in Minnesota: Brought to you by three inches of snow, one spray bottle, eight ounces of water and an entire bottle of green food coloring. And a really sore trigger-finger.