Friday, June 13, 2008

Some insights from Sophie.

Sophie took a break this morning to sit down with me for a conversation. We discussed pressing matters of global concern, as well as trivial fodder. The highlights:

There is no such thing as a dragon. There were once dinosaurs on Earth, but they "dried up".
The fiercest among them was the "Trap-asaurus". He stood 250 feet high, with "a little bit of colors on him, huge claws, and that's about it."

Global warming is "when it's very, very warm, and that's bad. If it happens, the global will burn up. If you touch it, it will burn your fingers."

George Bush is "a very bad president and he should go to jail and they should feed him raw horse meat."

It would be nice to travel to France, because they speak "bonjour" there.

There should be a new law so people can not "go over gates, especially the shaky, silver kind that say 'no going over the gate.' If people do that, they should have to go talk to a lawyer with their parents."

"Fashion is good, except for orange clothes. Orange should just be for lipstick."

There's no such thing as Jesus or God. Some people think Jesus is going to fall out of the clouds, and that's ridiculous. Jesus would not be fat enough to fall out of clouds.

Noel would like to throw in a joke that he made up. He's very proud of himself.

Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boo-Bees.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Ohhhh BAMA! Watch out for McCain!

It seems we FINALLY have a presumed nominee for the Democratic candidacy. Now that the "magic number" has been met by Barack Obama, we can look forward to a lively and spirited campaign for the presidency.

Obama faces a unique challenger in his opponent. In order to get a better feel for what John McCain is all about, I have culled together an "exerview" with the Republican powerhouse, comprised of actual responses from McCain (to other people's questions).

Why are you running for president, Mr. McCain?

"Why am I running for president? Well, my wife, Cindy, says it is because I sustained several severe blows to the head in prison camp."

The war in Iraq is a prominent issue in this campaign season. How many years do you envision our forces continuing hold a presence in Iraq? Two? Four? Ten?

"Make it a hundred...That would be fine with me."

And what do you feel are the pressing domestic social issues that need to be addressed by our next leader?

"It's not social issues I care about."

Okay, well, how about the economy? What do you bring to the table, in terms of a plan for improving the state of the U.S. economy?

"The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should."

Ohhkay... On the subject of health care- we have an aging population of baby boomers in the impending years. What kind of dialogue would you like to create with the public on the issue?

‘The nice thing about Alzheimer’s is you get to hide your own Easter eggs.’”

What are the most fundamental tenets of your platform in this election?

" Leonardo DiCaprio is an androgynous wimp...[and] gambling on amateur athletics is wrong."

It's certainly been noted that you are a much older and more seasoned politician than Mr. Obama. Do you have any words of wisdom that you'd like to share with your opponent, going into the campaign?

“Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”

Thanks for your time, Mr. McCain.

"Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father."

Okay, that's just nasty and unnecessary...

"F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room."

Okay, thank you for your answers, sir.

“Thanks for the question, you little jerk."