Sometimes the realizations of Jack's innermost thoughts and feelings are manifest in ways that require some really creative translation.
He missed me today and I could tell, because the first thing he did after body slamming me when he got off the bus was to grab a tangled wad of my curls, press it against his face, and inhale deeply. I suppose comfort smells like Pantene to him.
Sophie told me I'm a very "'telligent Mom", and Noel didn't entirely roll his eyes at the comment, so I'll take that as a double compliment.
Were it not for the fact that I fell off the deck trying to step onto a folding chair, absent-mindedly put on a shirt that had deodorant marks all over the sides, went outside in it, and did yardwork for half an hour, and am pretty certain the neighbors saw me riding my seven-year-old's very small "princess" bike up the alley because I was too lazy to walk it back to the garage, I could almost feel like a real winner...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Be intimidated, local Dems and Lefties...
...by the Carlton County Conservatives who can't spell the name of our local community college correctly:
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I would GLADLY give all the toes from one of my feet to anyone who could develop a "safe" cigarette.
I don't know why he/she would want my toes, but I am deadly serious.
I would do it.
I quit smoking in approximately July or August of 2006. I couldn't do it cold turkey, so I used nicotine gum.
I got addicted to the gum, and chewed it for the next 2+ years. I couldn't get off of it, so I went on the nicotine patch.
I used the nicotine patch and regular gum to wrest myself from the seductive grasp of my beloved "Equate" gum, and stopped using the patch when time was up.
I STILL WANT TO SMOKE.
Not just occasionally- every. damn. day.
I freely admit it; while other non-smokers swagger backward and frown when the wind sweeps a Marlboro cloud in their direction, I take a nice, deep breath in. I know it's poisonous second-hand exposure, but it's the only "bad" I can be, anymore.
Listen up, kids. As sexy as you might think it looks to slide a Camel between your long, outstretched fingers, draw it up to your lips, and take a long, salaciously sweet drag, before you know it, the outcome is this:
You're a thirty-one-year old woman at the park with your kids, trying to covertly position yourself downwind from a dirty-looking old man in a Miller Lite hat so you can suck some second-hand from his steadily burning GPC.
Just don't even start.
I would do it.
I quit smoking in approximately July or August of 2006. I couldn't do it cold turkey, so I used nicotine gum.
I got addicted to the gum, and chewed it for the next 2+ years. I couldn't get off of it, so I went on the nicotine patch.
I used the nicotine patch and regular gum to wrest myself from the seductive grasp of my beloved "Equate" gum, and stopped using the patch when time was up.
I STILL WANT TO SMOKE.
Not just occasionally- every. damn. day.
I freely admit it; while other non-smokers swagger backward and frown when the wind sweeps a Marlboro cloud in their direction, I take a nice, deep breath in. I know it's poisonous second-hand exposure, but it's the only "bad" I can be, anymore.
Listen up, kids. As sexy as you might think it looks to slide a Camel between your long, outstretched fingers, draw it up to your lips, and take a long, salaciously sweet drag, before you know it, the outcome is this:
You're a thirty-one-year old woman at the park with your kids, trying to covertly position yourself downwind from a dirty-looking old man in a Miller Lite hat so you can suck some second-hand from his steadily burning GPC.
Just don't even start.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! It's almost impossible to be unemployed right now!
I recently made the transition from impending college graduate to unemployed college graduate/loser.
Truth be told, I am a bit selective in my choices of positions for which I will apply. Nevertheless, there is a veritable foaming sea of potential jobs surging and swelling at my well-qualified feet.
For my fellow unemployed cohorts, I offer the following list of gems, culled from the treasure chest of local jobs I like to call:
"JOBS IN THE DULUTH AND THE SURROUNDING AREA"
(The aforementioned title as posted on a reputable job bank site. Who needs writers and editors? Really?)
1. ASSEMBLY
Required skills include: good manual dexterity, the ability to sit for 8-10 hours per day, ability to see small parts, and a good/positive attitude.
-I don't know about you, but I have an excellent attitude about my ability to see small parts. That's fifty percent of the requirements right there. This could be golden.
2. CAGE CASHIER
It's not just regular cashiering, it's cashiering in a cage!
According to the posting, "Cage cashiers must at all times conduct themselves in a manner, which absolutely avoids even the appearance of wrongdoing."
-Yeah. If I look over at Cage Cashier #2, and she's wearing camel-toe pants, and I have a mocking thought, I'm going to realize that I'm thinking mean things, and I'm going to look guilty about that. I don't want to get locked in the cage overnight for looking guilty. I don't know about this one. It sounds dangerous.
3. DENTAL HYGIENIST
Education required: *blank* Experience required: "None."
-So I guess it might be a good idea to find out which clinic is hiring for the aforementioned position, so that you could NOT go there. Also, I'm surprised, frankly, that "must floss as though attempting to commit homicide by means of causing hemorrhagic gums" isn't a standard qualification.
4. "LAWN APPLICATOR"
Of note: this job requires passing an exam, and offers a clothing/uniform allowance.
-The position of "lawn applicator", presumably, involves the application of lawns onto other surfaces. I want a lawn on top of my regular lawn, so that when one gets dried out in the summer, I can just peel it back to expose the under-lawn.
5. SEWING MACHINE OPERATOR
Requirements: Must be able to measure using a standard ruler.
-Apparently, none but math majors need apply.
6. "MECHAIC"
Requirements: "mechanical experinece in small engine and light equipment. must know how to weld also... must be albe to lift 75 lbs."
-I have no experinece with being a mechaic, but I am TOTALLY albe to lift 74 pounds!
Jackpot!
7. MERCHANDISE BUYER-- DENIM
-I think this is what I already am. In fact, I am the merchandise buyer of a good many items, and have broad experience in buying merchandise. Yesterday I bought some expensive cheese, and it was not good, so I would not pursue a position as "Merchandise Buyer -- Cheese," but I think I could handle denim.
Isn't this just a fancy way of saying "shopper"?
Some people would be very mad that I said that.
8. "COMPUTER"
-If you are a computer, someone in Esko wants to hire you. This is a hedgy option. You never know if it's a request from someone who wants to word process on you, or look at clown porn. At the end of the day, you need to be able to respect yourself.
That's it. Good luck job hunting, or staking your fortunes on the outcomes of lottery ticket purchases. The odds of finding a winner in either pursuit appear to be roughly similar.
Truth be told, I am a bit selective in my choices of positions for which I will apply. Nevertheless, there is a veritable foaming sea of potential jobs surging and swelling at my well-qualified feet.
For my fellow unemployed cohorts, I offer the following list of gems, culled from the treasure chest of local jobs I like to call:
"JOBS IN THE DULUTH AND THE SURROUNDING AREA"
(The aforementioned title as posted on a reputable job bank site. Who needs writers and editors? Really?)
1. ASSEMBLY
Required skills include: good manual dexterity, the ability to sit for 8-10 hours per day, ability to see small parts, and a good/positive attitude.
-I don't know about you, but I have an excellent attitude about my ability to see small parts. That's fifty percent of the requirements right there. This could be golden.
2. CAGE CASHIER
It's not just regular cashiering, it's cashiering in a cage!
According to the posting, "Cage cashiers must at all times conduct themselves in a manner, which absolutely avoids even the appearance of wrongdoing."
-Yeah. If I look over at Cage Cashier #2, and she's wearing camel-toe pants, and I have a mocking thought, I'm going to realize that I'm thinking mean things, and I'm going to look guilty about that. I don't want to get locked in the cage overnight for looking guilty. I don't know about this one. It sounds dangerous.
3. DENTAL HYGIENIST
Education required: *blank* Experience required: "None."
-So I guess it might be a good idea to find out which clinic is hiring for the aforementioned position, so that you could NOT go there. Also, I'm surprised, frankly, that "must floss as though attempting to commit homicide by means of causing hemorrhagic gums" isn't a standard qualification.
4. "LAWN APPLICATOR"
Of note: this job requires passing an exam, and offers a clothing/uniform allowance.
-The position of "lawn applicator", presumably, involves the application of lawns onto other surfaces. I want a lawn on top of my regular lawn, so that when one gets dried out in the summer, I can just peel it back to expose the under-lawn.
5. SEWING MACHINE OPERATOR
Requirements: Must be able to measure using a standard ruler.
-Apparently, none but math majors need apply.
6. "MECHAIC"
Requirements: "mechanical experinece in small engine and light equipment. must know how to weld also... must be albe to lift 75 lbs."
-I have no experinece with being a mechaic, but I am TOTALLY albe to lift 74 pounds!
Jackpot!
7. MERCHANDISE BUYER-- DENIM
-I think this is what I already am. In fact, I am the merchandise buyer of a good many items, and have broad experience in buying merchandise. Yesterday I bought some expensive cheese, and it was not good, so I would not pursue a position as "Merchandise Buyer -- Cheese," but I think I could handle denim.
Isn't this just a fancy way of saying "shopper"?
Some people would be very mad that I said that.
8. "COMPUTER"
-If you are a computer, someone in Esko wants to hire you. This is a hedgy option. You never know if it's a request from someone who wants to word process on you, or look at clown porn. At the end of the day, you need to be able to respect yourself.
That's it. Good luck job hunting, or staking your fortunes on the outcomes of lottery ticket purchases. The odds of finding a winner in either pursuit appear to be roughly similar.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I walked outside this morning
and the world was different.
The cosmos in my garden were still brown and wilting. My neighbor's cars were lined up in the usual order in their driveway: silver car, red car, old blue truck pockmarked with rust. The streets were quiet. Lights were on in homes where people sluggishly readied themselves for another day of work. It was all as it always is, yet nothing felt the same.
Last night I witnessed an occurrence of such magnitude that it defies explanation or description. It didn't come in the form of some spectacular supernova, but on my television screen, in a steady sequence of small red and blue explosions. It happened as numbers ticked by and fate become increasingly apparent. It happened while my children watched and while the greater world held its collective breath.
I'm so tired today that I feel as though I'm still lingering in a dream. The last time I had a hand in electing a Democrat to the presidency, I was an eighteen-year old college kid. Now, I'm a mother with three children born into a world that has become increasingly ugly, due in no small part to the leadership that has served throughout most of their lives. I want them to see America and Americans as I saw it/them when things seemed sane and decent. Maybe now they'll have that chance.
When I watched the towers fall on 9/11, I was five months pregnant. I imagined the violence that would follow in response. I wondered what kind of a world I was bringing my child into. Last night I got a glimpse of what may define my country in the next years, and it was profoundly beautiful, in contrast.
The very same country who elected an inarticulate right-wing war monger four and eight years ago just swept in a brilliant young black man from Chicago. What a change, indeed.
It's supposed to snow this weekend. I've been generally sick of the white stuff, but today I don't even care. There's a bright sliver of sun slicing through the relentless gloom that has hung over this corner of the world like a stifling wet wool blanket.
I'll get a shovel, brace my back, and be ready to work. I expect no less from our president-elect, Barack Obama.
The cosmos in my garden were still brown and wilting. My neighbor's cars were lined up in the usual order in their driveway: silver car, red car, old blue truck pockmarked with rust. The streets were quiet. Lights were on in homes where people sluggishly readied themselves for another day of work. It was all as it always is, yet nothing felt the same.
Last night I witnessed an occurrence of such magnitude that it defies explanation or description. It didn't come in the form of some spectacular supernova, but on my television screen, in a steady sequence of small red and blue explosions. It happened as numbers ticked by and fate become increasingly apparent. It happened while my children watched and while the greater world held its collective breath.
I'm so tired today that I feel as though I'm still lingering in a dream. The last time I had a hand in electing a Democrat to the presidency, I was an eighteen-year old college kid. Now, I'm a mother with three children born into a world that has become increasingly ugly, due in no small part to the leadership that has served throughout most of their lives. I want them to see America and Americans as I saw it/them when things seemed sane and decent. Maybe now they'll have that chance.
When I watched the towers fall on 9/11, I was five months pregnant. I imagined the violence that would follow in response. I wondered what kind of a world I was bringing my child into. Last night I got a glimpse of what may define my country in the next years, and it was profoundly beautiful, in contrast.
The very same country who elected an inarticulate right-wing war monger four and eight years ago just swept in a brilliant young black man from Chicago. What a change, indeed.
It's supposed to snow this weekend. I've been generally sick of the white stuff, but today I don't even care. There's a bright sliver of sun slicing through the relentless gloom that has hung over this corner of the world like a stifling wet wool blanket.
I'll get a shovel, brace my back, and be ready to work. I expect no less from our president-elect, Barack Obama.
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Palin Pick.
The announcement of John McCain's VP pick has barely been circulated, and already the 'net is abuzz; Alaska's Republican governor Sarah Palin will grace the ticket.
Palin has five children, the youngest of whom has Down Syndrome. I find it disturbing that some members of the Democratic camp are seizing on the opportunity to point out a perceived contradiction in values, wherein Palin is slated to spend the next two months campaigning while she has an infant with special needs at home. I think on the issue of her values, this is the wrong approach to take.
Every child with Down Syndrome is different; their "special" needs are broad and varied. As the mother of a child with Down's, I realized in my son's infancy that caring for him was not terribly unlike caring for my other children. I was no martyr, I was not his desperate servant. I was his Mom.
If, as a party, we want to highlight any contradiction in "values" inherent in Palin's circumstances and convictions, we ought to focus on the fact that the Governor's party undermines the causes that are of most concern to the Down Syndrome and disabled communities. American health care, education, and equal opportunities for those with disabilities all suffer under Republican leadership. Parents struggle to pay medical bills for specialists, fight to obtain services their children need for successful mainstreaming in the classroom, and desire most profoundly that their children be embraced by society, rather than tolerated by it.
Anti-choice values hold that all life is precious, but here again we see the Pro-Life Republican modus operandi of revering life inside, but not beyond, the womb. Palin's party sees an individual life as a flower that must be allowed to take root and bloom. Democrats realize that for this flower to bloom, we must nurture it from a seedling, prune it as it ages, and expend the energy it takes to water, feed, and care for it. Some plants require special soil. Some demand particular nutrients. Some must be supported and trained to climb toward the sun. None that exist can be neglected, and no blanket solution will enable every plant to thrive.
In truth, no person or political figure can justly be called "compassionate" or "pro-life" while seeking to further policies that are antithetical to the idea that:
"The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped. "
(Hubert H. Humphrey)
Palin has five children, the youngest of whom has Down Syndrome. I find it disturbing that some members of the Democratic camp are seizing on the opportunity to point out a perceived contradiction in values, wherein Palin is slated to spend the next two months campaigning while she has an infant with special needs at home. I think on the issue of her values, this is the wrong approach to take.
Every child with Down Syndrome is different; their "special" needs are broad and varied. As the mother of a child with Down's, I realized in my son's infancy that caring for him was not terribly unlike caring for my other children. I was no martyr, I was not his desperate servant. I was his Mom.
If, as a party, we want to highlight any contradiction in "values" inherent in Palin's circumstances and convictions, we ought to focus on the fact that the Governor's party undermines the causes that are of most concern to the Down Syndrome and disabled communities. American health care, education, and equal opportunities for those with disabilities all suffer under Republican leadership. Parents struggle to pay medical bills for specialists, fight to obtain services their children need for successful mainstreaming in the classroom, and desire most profoundly that their children be embraced by society, rather than tolerated by it.
Anti-choice values hold that all life is precious, but here again we see the Pro-Life Republican modus operandi of revering life inside, but not beyond, the womb. Palin's party sees an individual life as a flower that must be allowed to take root and bloom. Democrats realize that for this flower to bloom, we must nurture it from a seedling, prune it as it ages, and expend the energy it takes to water, feed, and care for it. Some plants require special soil. Some demand particular nutrients. Some must be supported and trained to climb toward the sun. None that exist can be neglected, and no blanket solution will enable every plant to thrive.
In truth, no person or political figure can justly be called "compassionate" or "pro-life" while seeking to further policies that are antithetical to the idea that:
"The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped. "
(Hubert H. Humphrey)
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