Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Disney movies: you think Kubrik made some warped films?

Sophie loves Disney princess movies. She watches alot of them. That means that I, at a minimum, overhear alot of them. Overwhelmingly, the characters involved are a bit... dysfunctional.

Cinderella: Allows abusive stepmother and stepsiblings to walk all over her. Gets a makeover and flits off into marriage with a wealthy, studly dude, having fallen in love after dancing with him. once.

What REALLY happens after the glistening pumpkin carriage rolls away with the happy couple? After a brief period of honeymoon bliss, Prince Charming starts spending his free time fox hunting, imbibing excessively from the royal chalice, and investing an inordinate amount of time "helping" the maidstaff "learn to dust properly."

Snow White: Again, allows abusive parent-figure to mistreat her. Runs into the woods after discerning that her stepmom wants to CARVE OUT HER HEART, and takes up residence with seven men. REPEATEDLY falls for stepmother's poorly disguised attempts to KILL her. Marries the first dude who will suck her (presumably dead) face.

Soooo... she hooked up with a guy who's into necrophilia. Not a good start. I'd suggest she keep a close eye on any animal cadavers left unattended in the castle kitchen.

The Little Mermaid: Undergoes the magical equivalent of cosmetic surgery, sacrificing her ability to SPEAK in the process, so she can get in with some dude she's never even MET while he's conscious.

Her husband digs chicks who can't speak or communicate. Perhaps he's listened to a bit too much Dr. Laura. It doesn't bode well. I see wife-beater tees and naked, filthy children running amok, in her future.

I'm not even going to touch the whole "dead mother" phenomenon in Disney movies. I've heard Walt himself wasn't exactly keen on women, which might explain a bit.

Disney: the animated legacy that Bibbity-bobbity-blows.


Anonymous said...

Do your kids like any of the PIXAR/Disney movies?

They're actually pretty good, even if you've seen/heard them a half a million times!

In fact, my wife took our kids to see the latest one (Ratatouille) a couple of weeks ago, and they loved it (my son is 10 and my daughter is 8).

The only one they really didn't like was Cars, but other than that, they've enjoyed them all.


P.S. Good luck with the new blog!

Lara said...

My older two kids will watch pretty much anything that is animated. They did see Ratatouille this week, and liked it. My youngest only wants to watch sign language videos and "Barbie: Swan Lake." He likes to carry around a giant Barbie head, as well. Whatever keeps him happy!

Thanks for the well-wishes!

Lara :)

Anonymous said...

Has your youngest seen any of the Barbie Fairytopia movies?

My daughter has "Mermaidia", and it seems to be very similar to Barbie Swan Lake.

She used to have the giant Barbie head, but has since "upgraded" to a giant "Bratz" head (which has been sitting in our van for the past several weeks).


Lara said...

He hasn't seen them, but my middle one has. She loves them.
She also adores the Bratz; It's amazing how they somehow manage to out-skank Barbie.