Thursday, September 27, 2007

Let's scrap all the primary candidates and start over.

I'm less than thrilled with the pool of democratic candidates for office- specifically those receiving the most intense levels of support. I propose beginning anew with a fresh batch of faces. Naturally, I have a few compelling characters in mind:

Steve Buscemi. I have always respected his versatility as an actor. Additionally, he has a weird face that I feel confident he could contort in such a way as to be intimidating to potentially aggressive entities. I think it would be a definite upgrade to go from a president who truly IS crazy to one who merely looks it.

Gary Coleman. We elected Norm Coleman; I don't see how Gary could be any worse.

Michelle Bachmann. She could hastily bring on the Rapture and I REALLY need a new minivan.

Abraham Lincoln. This is Sophie's suggestion. Apparently she doesn't understand the concept of "dead." Also, she refers to him as "Abraham Lincoln Hamilton".

Samus from Metroid Prime. This is Noel's suggestion.

Ewan MacGregor. With the stipulation that he must wear a kilt for all official events. Who wouldn't mind staring at his pretty face for four years?

Janet Reno. Admittedly, I endorse her solely because I miss seeing Will Ferrell do Reno sketches on SNL. SNL requires a mandate for change and I think electing Reno might be just the catalyst required.

The cousin of the girl who sat behind me in Tuesday night class last semester. I was told he was a chronic meth addict and alcoholic, but was "SO smart about politics and stuff." On second thought, that sounds a bit too much like Bush. With the exception of being smart.

Mari Winsor. She's flexible- that's an important trait in a leader, essential to nurturing compromise between disparate entities.

The girl who invented that microwave bacon apparatus. She's obviously a freaking genius. The government could use a genius.

My first grade teacher, Mrs. Lutkevich. She kept peace in a classroom of seven-year-old children and instilled a sense of motivation and pride in us. She taught me that helping others was rewarding, math could be fun, and hiding on top of file cabinets and making the classroom dolls hump each other was not behaviorally sound.

Clinton, schminton. Let's broaden our prospective pool of candidates and contemplate some REAL contenders, this election year.

3 comments:

Jess said...

I laughed ALOUD here at work over your Steve Buscemi comment. God I miss you!

I'd like to see Dave Grohl run for President. Not only would I love to look at him for four-eight years, but he could also scream in that gravelly voice of his anytime someone said something he didn't agree with. Very intimidating, in my opinion.

Lara said...

Grohl! Yes! Perfection!

I haven't seen you in about nine months. What's up with that? You could have conceived and borne a child in the length of time since we've hung out.

You haven't, have you?

:O

Jess said...

My visits up north have been severely limited. I can't believe the last time I saw you was in February! I know it's unacceptable!

I hope to be back up there in November, and we MUST get together. I think a trip to Mexico Lindo and a night out on the town are in order! ;)

And hell to the no! I have not born a child. Can you even fathom it?