It's almost that season; time for gift lists!

Every year, family members request I supply lists of items my spawn would appreciate receiving during holiday gift exchanges. I understand their logic; providing some guidelines for what the kids are presently "in to" or in need of is a helpful way to streamline shopping and assure that purchases are aptly selected.

Nevertheless, every year the kids accumulate a daunting amount of toys, clothes, and other goodies, and ultimately end up favoring items I'd never have expected them to.

This year, I'm reflecting on what my kids REALLY like to do and which things they actually find use for, and I'm basing my lists off these insights. Mom, dad, grandparents, I humbly submit:

"THE KIDS' CHRISTMAS LISTS. '07 EDITION."

NOEL
Clothing:
-Jeans with rips in the knees and draggy-pieces hanging off the ankles.
-T-shirts that are too small and have extremely ugly dragons on them.
-Socks that have enough elasticity in the ankles to be employed as slingshots, aimed at Sophie's head.
-A jacket without a hood that is entirely insufficient for our winter climate, the use of which will probably result in his sustaining frostbite, frostnip, or some kind of weather-related rash.
Toys:
-Balls of lint to add to the growing collection under his bed.
-Electrical cords. It doesn't matter what they attach to, he just really likes to have a lot of loose cords laying around his room.
-Any book focused on bodily functions/excrement/flatulence, etc.
-America's Funniest Home Videos on DVD. Somehow the unfunniest show on television NEVER gets old, where he's concerned.
SOPHIE
Clothing:
-Tights sufficient to clothe a small dance troupe.
-Underwear that is one size too small.
-Jeans that are about two inches too short. (If they fit appropriately, she will insist they are "too big.")
-Formal gowns (for daily wear).
Toys:
-My make-up
-My bras
-My scarves, gloves, and hats.
-Naked Barbies
-Glass cleaning wipes.
-Whatever toilet paper is most likely to clog up our plumbing.
JACK
Clothing:
-Shoes that can easily be removed and tossed during grocery shopping trips.
-Hats with tassles that can be chewed to a crusty nub.
-Shirts with collars that can be chewed to crusty nubs.
Toys:
-Pan lids.
-A toilet.
-A box of crackers that can accommodate the size of Jack's head.
-A clothes hamper for throwing garbage in.
-A garbage for throwing clothes in.
-The mailman.
-Grasshoppers.

I hope this helps! I wish you the best of luck in your shopping endeavors.