Friday, July 18, 2008

Epic News and the Small-Town Paper.

I had a letter-to-the-editor printed in this week's edition of our local newspaper. This isn't a particularly notable honor, as pretty much any idiot who writes in can get published. The paper is, itself, a source of endless amusement for me. Just this week I found a number of chuckle-worthy examples. I will commence to share them:

The date. I'm often a little bit off, but I'm pretty certain of the month. It's July. And it's not the 28th, either.

There is a pie social upcoming at BethlehAm Church. The name of this church hearkens to a small town outside of Bethlehem. They had a burgeoning pork industry there, but still wanted to capitalize on the whole Jesus bit.

Some timely and newsworthy info. from the contributor who writes the news section pertaining to some of the smaller outlying towns.

The ONLY personal ad in the paper. It runs every single week. Jesus appears to be striking out in the "love" department.

Oh. My. God.
It's only the biggest thing to happen in our town since we got rid of the pony express service;
it's the fiftieth anniversary of the construction of our tourist mecca: THE GAS STATION!

This one just cracks me up because Rick's advertising endeavor employs a minimalist approach and manages to be reasonably grammatical and at least somewhat professional until he gets to the end and offers his finely honed skills of "hauling stuff away".

Sorry, local old people. We wanted to serve you sauerkraut, but we had all this surplus "sauerdraut" we have to use up first.

ALERT! ALERT! Kids are "on the prowl" in Scanlon! Kids NEVER used to do this in the old days!

Anyone who is smart will jump all over this! You can not find quality ceramic rabbits, colorfully dressed, carrying carrots or flowers, for this price! GO! NOW!


lionesspriyanka said...


yomama said...

Hah! I hope you've been saving those up for a while. Please don't tell me they're all from the same issue. BethleHAM! That's going to stick in my head for quite a while. Maybe I'll put it on the Christmas menu!

Singh-Ray Filters said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

You missed another funny in the "sauerdraut" notice:

Polish what?